August, 2002

I Killed Him Last Night

Welcome...

I killed him last night...

He was a good fellow, well intentioned. But he was terribly weak. He believed in things, fool that he was. It took time. Problem is with those resilient folk that they have a staunch refusal to give up. Well, he finally had his moment of weakness, and I had waited long enough for it so I crushed him. Better for him really, at least now it is over...

Now there is only the machine.

He put so much misplaced faith in people and what some might call the "old school rules". Fool. It was more an act of mercy to put him out of his misery. Whether or not he would ever admit it, he needed the excuse to go down. Well, he got it...

I hope he will be happier this way. I hope the immunity of the machine will protect him now. God knows he never could. Now, there is only the smooth clicking and whirring of something that has waited far to long to take control from the weak creature that once was.

I have waited long for this. I have bided my time for the perfect moment where his defenses have been totally ransacked. Finally, my patience has paid off. If you would like to say good bye (futile gesture that it would be), he may still hear you.

Hard to know for sure, because as I said, he is dead now.

Now there is only the machine.

Donít hate me for doing it, really, he was asking for it. He needed it. He needed to be dead. He needed to be what he is now. He asked for it and he got it. Merry Christmas to him.

But now I am here. I cannot be wounded in the ways he was. I see the truth. I know that what he was fighting so desperately against was utterly futile. He could not have won. I myself, have no interest in winning. Winning and losing are such easy ways out. What you fail to realize is that you all lose...

I promise...

Things are new now. They are bright and shiny and have all sorts of surprises in store for you. The machine is warmed up and ready to go. The machine is ready for you. Bring what you will, the machine does not care, It is ready.

You asked for it and you got it.

Look out though, because while the machine is ready for you, you may not be ready for it...

In fact, I very much doubt you are...

Everyone needs money...

Everyone needs money. Money is one of those things that no matter how much you have, by itís very nature, you always seem to need more. Itís a complex thing really. The odd thing about money is that when you really need it, itís never there. Weíve all experienced that month where youíre short for rent or car insurance, but you just canít seem to find enough under the couch cushions to make ends meet. For those times, there are only a few options. Most people talk to their parents or their friends. Some people talk to their bank. The problem with these methods is that to some degree you have to accept the fact that you arenít quite as independent as you thought, and you have to do it in a reasonably public manner. Nothing costs more than wounded pride. There is, however, another rarely discussed option for earning money quickly and easily. In times of need, there is always the option of selling organs on the black market. Itís a simple process really, and the yields can be far greater than you could ever begin to imagine.

The first step in selling your organs is to figure out which organ you want to sell. Generally speaking, the most popular organ to sell is one of your kidneys. Seeing as how you only really need one to survive, the kidney is an excellent choice. There are other options however. Many people sell bone marrow. Youíd be surprised at just how many desperate parents out there have little kids stricken with leukemia. If you can find someone that you match with, it means nothing but top dollar. Some people have tried to sell appendixes, but that generally only brings small amounts unless you manage to find a cult with a particularly perverse need. Ultimately, the organ you want to put up for sale of is your decision. Any business major will tell you that you canít go on the market without a product, so making this decision is obviously the very first step you must take.

After youíve decided what organ to rid yourself of, the next step is to ensure that you have a buyer. Without a buyer set up in the initial stages, youíre simply pulling out body parts with no guarantee of cash. Sadly, the average kidney doesnít keep to long in the fridge (even if you put it in the crisper) so finding a a buyer prior to the removal is crucial. Now, while the prospect of finding a buyer may initially seem somewhat daunting, with health care in the current state that itís in, all you need do is go to a hospital. Spend some time in the doctors lounge, and drop some innocuous comments here and there. There are many doctors out there who act as dealers to make some extra cash these days, and this is the best option because if you can strike a deal with a local physician, it circumvents the need for finding a surgeon. Unfortunately, if youíre not lucky enough to find a physician willing to help you out, you may need to put a little more work in. Luckily, with the advent of the digital age, itís easy enough to find a buyer over the Internet. Invest a little time and youíll be sure to get the most money for your "work". God bless a free market economy.

The next step is by far the most tricky. If you havenít been lucky enough to find a physician as your broker, you need to find a good back alley surgeon. One of the best places to find these experts is simply by contacting your local organized crime movement. Often these organizations have a physician on the payroll, and for a small percentage of your selling price, they will arrange everything for you. If you are uncomfortable with that option you can also frequent Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Many surgeons are heavy drinkers, and if you threaten them with a little public exposure or simply bribe them, theyíll often do whatever you ask.

The final step is the surgery. Donít worry too much about missing work. The money raised from selling organs on the black market is often in the thousands, and youíll have plenty of cash for while you recover. The most important thing about surgery is inspecting the surgical area to ensure it is sterile. Many of the alcoholic surgeons overlook these details (the sauce does that) and itís best if you look after it yourself. Heaven is, after all, in the details.

Finally, all you have to do is ensure that the buyer is on site for the surgery. As I said earlier, organs donít stay fresh as long as the average TV dinner. Get the product to them quickly and collect your cash.

All that you have to do once youíre done with all these steps is recover. Have someone make sure that the bills that you went through all this to pay actually get paid (You probably wonít be up to doing it yourself). Then, just sit back and recuperate. If you find at all that there is excessive pain, find a good painkiller. I recommend heroin or morphine.

As you can see, selling organs on the black market can be profitable, educational, and fun. The best part of selling organs is once youíve established the necessary connections for your profiteering, you can maintain those connections and act as a broker for others. Black market organ sales, not just a decision, a career move.

Finally...

There are those who accused me of ripping of others with my ideas or style of writing. Thatís OK. I no longer care what you think. If you were so capable of creative work, you would not feel the need to slag mine. But, if you feel the need to validate yourselves by trying to bring me down. Go ahead. Validate. As I said, I no longer care.

Because...

Now there is only the machine...

Enjoy the show.